Merry Christmas from the Law Department

This is another excerpt from my unpublished book, “The Druids as Entrepreneurs, A Business Person’s Garden of Verse and Other Poisonous Growths.” I wrote it circa 1975 and it was published in a computer industry magazine, “Datamation.” It got picked up and used by several law firms, without payment or attribution (thanks, guys) and was even used as a Christmas Card by a state supreme justice. 

It can be found on the Internet, still without payment or attribution, but it’s mine and is a part of my saga of Binkley’s, Inc., the mythical manufacturing company.

 

Stave the Ninety-Three

Merry Christmas from the Law Department * 

*Note: Lulu the Lawyer presents a draft employee bonus plan to the Board with so much protective language around it that it sounds more like a disciplinary action then a recognition program. I day dream what it would be like if Lulu the Lawyer designed our corporate Christmas Card.

 

Merry Christmas from Binkley’s!

May Happiness and Good Cheer Be With You

Throughout This Holiday Season *

 

(Subject to the following Terms & Conditions)

 

I.          Though we, the “Greetor”, wish you well,

In our Holiday Entreaty,

We limit all your claims, dear friend,

Hereinafter called the “Greetee.”

 

II.         We wish you dreams of sugarplums,

And dancing Christmas lights,

But if these fancies come to naught,

You have no vested rights.

 

III.       In no case will we be at fault,

In implied claims of fitness,

And all writs of depression,

Must be sworn before a witness.

 

IV.       Although our approbations,

Are warranted full-free,

Of defects in sincerity,

There is no guarantee.

 

V.        We hope that you, your kith and kin,

Find Christmas viability,

But if you don’t, note now that we,

Decline all liability.

 

VI.       So if you don’t hear sleigh bells ring,

Or smell the fresh cut pines,

You have, Greetee, released our firm,

Successors and Assigns.

 

VII.      Whenever there’s a conflict,

These, our contract terms, will rule.

The Greetee then is on their own,

To have a Happy Yule.

 

VIII.     And if our heartfelt Christmas wish,

By counterclaim is marred,

We may, at our sole option,

Repossess this Christmas Card.

 

*Please sign and return white and yellow copies in attached envelope (Note: USPS will not deliver unless postage attached).

 

Accepted: _________________Date__________________

Aka “Greetee”

 

Witness: __________________Date___________________

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